ME: (Tries to work)

MY BRAIN: The world needs more Sympathy Orchestras.

ME: Um, I think you mean Symphony.

MY BRAIN: Just imagine, Tchaikovsky’s Symphony 6 3/4 in B Minor – “Really Pathetique.”

ME: ?

MY BRAIN: You could do a whole season around “Baroque – And We Can’t Fix It.”

ME: Do you have ANY IDEA how much e-mail we have to get through?

MY BRAIN: Suddenly, a bloodless coup in the string section. They are all playing the world’s tiniest violins!

ME: I need to stop feeding you animal protein.

MY BRAIN: It is too late. They have become sarcastic and insidious.

ME: And they start playing… ?

MY BRAIN: Copland’s Fanfare for the Caustic Man.

ME: Of course they do.