ME: (Tries to work)

MY BRAIN, SINGING: Blue Bell Ice Cream… tastes like the good old days…

ME: Remind me to never let you listen to the radio.

MY BRAIN: Ah, the good days and all their flavors. Like the time you pronounced that word wrong in front of your entire social studies class. We’ll call that one Neapolitan Humiliation.

ME: Oh, is it Bad Memories Wednesday?

MY BRAIN: Or that time you locked yourself out of the warehouse without your keys, Blackberry, or shoes, and had to flag down the UPS man to borrow his phone. Clearly a time for Strawberry Shortbrain.

ME: You’re like a stump grinder for my self-esteem.

MY BRAIN: Or the time you tore your pants while you were out on a pickup. What else could that be other than Butt Pecan?

ME: Is this going to stop any time soon?

MY BRAIN: Baskin-Robbins has 31 flavors. We’ll start there.

ME: As long as I know when it ends.

MY BRAIN… and then we’ll proceed to Ben & Jerry’s.