ME: (Tries to work)
MY BRAIN: So I understand she’s a dancing machine.
MY BRAIN: Ah baby.
ME: Oh. Yes. I mean, I don’t have empirical evidence, but it is my understanding that she is a dancing machine.
MY BRAIN: What kind?
MY BRAIN: What kind of machine?
ME: I don’t believe it’s that specific. I think the song just kind of makes the general assertion that she dances so much she’s a machine.
MY BRAIN: Quite the contrary – there is a very exact set of characteristics. She’s automatic, systematic, full of color, self contained…
ME: Tuned and channeled to your vibes. Isn’t there something in there about being a sexy lady?
MY BRAIN: Yes, but that’s in reference to her organic context. So we’re not counting it. Built with space age design.
ME: That does appear to be fairly exact.
MY BRAIN: Which is why I figured it out.
ME: You figured it out?
MY BRAIN: Yes. She’s a TiVo.
ME: A TiVo.
MY BRAIN: Yes. Think about it. Automatic, systematic, full of color, self contained. She’s a dancing TiVo.
MY BRAIN: Ah baby.
ME: They didn’t even have TiVos back then.
MY BRAIN: If they didn’t have any TiVos why did the Jackson Five do a song about them?
ME: You are making some assumptions.
MY BRAIN: They were probably really impressed with it and they wrote a song about it, but they didn’t want to run into intellectual property issues. So they just said she was a dancing machine.
ME: So why did they turn it into a dancing woman?
MY BRAIN: Because it was the 1970s, and it was disco, and no matter how many poppers you do, you’re not going to dance to a song called, “It’s a completely stationary black box.”
ME: Point taken.
MY BRAIN: The Jackson family must have really loved TiVos to have one of their kids named after it. Tivo Jackson.
ME: That’s Tito.
MY BRAIN: Well, it’d have to be, wouldn’t it?
Watch the Jackson 5 Get Down. Ah Baby.