ME, TALKING TO A CO-WORKER: We have to secure that shelf or it is going to fall over as sure as a goose goes barefooted.

(Later)

ME: (Tries to work)

MY BRAIN: YEE-HAW!

ME: ?

MY BRAIN: As sure as a goose goes barefooted!

ME: Oh crap, here we go.

MY BRAIN: As sure as a giraffe has neckbones!

ME: …

MY BRAIN: As sure as a frog has a waterproof ass!

ME: Would you please shut up?

MY BRAIN: I’m not the one talking like Minnie Pearl’s mom.