ME, TALKING TO A CO-WORKER: We have to secure that shelf or it is going to fall over as sure as a goose goes barefooted.
ME: (Tries to work)
MY BRAIN: YEE-HAW!
MY BRAIN: As sure as a goose goes barefooted!
ME: Oh crap, here we go.
MY BRAIN: As sure as a giraffe has neckbones!
MY BRAIN: As sure as a frog has a waterproof ass!
ME: Would you please shut up?
MY BRAIN: I’m not the one talking like Minnie Pearl’s mom.