Atlas Toked

ME: (Tries to work)

MY BRAIN: So pot is legal in Colorado now.

ME: Yup.

MY BRAIN: And people are moving there specifically so they can smoke weed in peace.

ME: That’s what I hear.

MY BRAIN: It’s just like Atlas Shrugged when people were moving to Colorado.

ME: Exactly, if you consider pursuing unfettered capitalism and smoking pot to be the same thing.

MY BRAIN: They should redo the book then. Call it Atlas Toked.

ME: Um.

MY BRAIN: Of course, it would have to be only 420 pages long.

ME: It could probably do with some strategic editing.

MY BRAIN: And Dagny Taggart gets this roach and she spends half the book trying to figure out who rolled it.

ME: I always wondered what was in that cigarette.

MY BRAIN: A is A… but have you ever really, REALLY looked at A?

ME: I shudder to think what John Galt’s speech would sound like.

MY BRAIN: And instead of everyone asking “Who is John Galt,” they would ask “Who is John Galt, *and where did he get that great shit?*”

ME: I’m not sure what Rand would think of that.

MY BRAIN: Hey, she was all in favor of smoking. And she never said smoking what.

Dagny Taggart Did Not Have PMS

ME: (Tries to work)

MY BRAIN: Do you think Dagny Taggart ever had PMS?

ME: ?

MY BRAIN: Some of that book looked kind of hormonal is all I’m saying.

ME: No. We are not going there.

MY BRAIN: It’s important.

ME: Whether Dagny Taggart got PMS is not important.

MY BRAIN: Oh yes it is. She’s absolutely perfect! She never has problems, she –

ME: Rand talked about this. It’s a heroic presentation.

MY BRAIN: It’s stupid to espouse a philosophy and then make your examples cardboard cutouts whom no one could possibly emulate.

ME: Perhaps.

MY BRAIN: And a female hero? Ha. Her only overt feminine characteristics involved playing “hide the manifesto” with John Galt and Hank Rearden and Francisco.

ME: (“Hide the manifesto”?)

MY BRAIN: Awake three days in a train going cross country, and does she show up with leg stubble and two chin hairs? Nope, because she’s perfect Dagny Taggart.

ME: I think it’s kind of demeaning that you’re simplifying the meaning of being female down to hormones and leg stubble.

MY BRAIN: Not any more than simplifying it down to submissive sexuality. Rand never acknowledges Dagny Taggart as a female in any other way except with a crying jag.

ME: Oh, come on, she –

MY BRAIN: A whole month in Galt’s Gulch. Smoldering hots for John Galt? Check. A trip into town for some hand-rolled objectivist tampons? No way.

ME: No no no. I’m done. We’re not going there. Go away. I have to work.


ME: Fine.

ME: (Tries to work)

MY BRAIN: Look, if — at certain times of the month — someone had given her a dollar sign made out of chocolate —